May Contain Nuts : A Very Loose Canon of American Humor
Index
Michael J. Rosen

Compras Nikon
Bluetooth
1 Best Bathroom Reading Ever!
I was thrilled to be a contributor to this great humor collection. But I was even more excited to read the whole darn book. With a wide range of topics and styles, "May Contain Nuts" is the perfect addition to anyone's bathroom reading shelf. And it even has some light satire directed at George W. Bush including my piece "And What's with That Round Ball?" If you enjoy that one, check out my new book "My Friend W" for more of the same.
2 Just Buy It!!!
I flipped though it and bought it on a whim. It is the best thing I have ever done for myself. This book is amazing!!! It's not just wonderful because it is a great pick-me-up... but it's also brilliant in the writing. Many of the things could be performance pieces or hit a wide audiance. Just read it you won't go wrong! Highly recommended
3 An Unbiased Reviewer Speaks from His Gut
Buy this book! Now! Don't wait another moment. I'm not just saying that because I have a tiny humor piece in this book. I'm not just saying that because I appear naked on pages 228-229. I'm not just saying that because John Warner's faux New York Times Book Section review of his first date is the funniest thing ever written. I'm saying that because I'm hungry. Seriously, I'm starving, man. Writers make jack-squat. For every book sold, I get a penny. If a thousand sell, that's $10 to Domino's and a pizza to me. Help a dude out. Buy this book!

Steve Altes
4 Star-Studded [including stars of stage and screen(writing)
and one actual stud. (See centerfold, page 228/229.]

Hello, readers! Under increasing pressure to be all things to all people, this new volume of Mirth of a Nation provides customized tables of contents so that each reader may hone in on those pieces most likely to suit his or her individual needs. One example is TV Guidance: We all know that, in their spare time, readers watch television. What you might not know, is that many writers in May Contain Nuts, in their spare time, write for television. In an effort to compete in the marketplace where everything is vying for your attention and dollars, the book provides a sort of TV Guide to its contents (albeit, only one short day's "viewing," as it were, of the 460 pages). Readers can now multitask, spending the "prime time" of our lives reading/watching a book/the television. Or, you may think of this as our friends here at amazon.com do so nicely, "if you liked [fill-in], then you'll like [fill-in]"). In other words, if you enjoyed this television program, surely you'll enjoy another piece of writing in this book by its creative genius or part-time staff writer.
You don't even need to check your local listings for times. An asterisk denotes stardom and the fact that the May Contain Nuts contributor is acting in, rather than writing for, a given program.

[TV Program / writer's name / another piece by that author in May Contain Nuts]

Mork and Mindy/David Misch / Alumni Notes
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch/Nancy Cohen/The Bitter End (My Will)
Girls Behaving Badly/Steve Altes */centerfold
Ed/Michael Ian Black* /How to Meet People More Famous Than You
Tonight's Movie: The Devil's Own/Steve Altes 1 * /centerfold
Double Feature: The Shadow Conspiracy/Steve Altes 2* /centerfold
Mad TV/Brian Frazer/My Bible
TNT's "MonsterVision"/Joe Bob Briggs*, your host/ Forever Dale
The West Wing/Steve Altes 3* /centerfold
Rugrats /Patty Marx/Review
Seinfeld/Peter Mehlman /What I Bring to the Podium
Seinfeld/Marc Jaffe/UN Monthly Bulletin
I Love the 70s/Michael Ian Black*/VH1 Hate Mail
VH1's Rock of Ages/Henry Alford/Operation Enduring Fashion
Late Night with David Letterman/Jill A. Cohen or Bill Scheft or Stephen Sherrill / Sister Goddess Ruby or More Sins of the Fathers or The Odyssey
Saturday Night Live/Patty Marx or Jeff Ward or Mark O'Donnell /Lost Cat or New on DVD or The Narcissos
Late Late Show with Craig Kilbourne/Kurt Luchs/Editorial
Budweiser commercial /Steve Altes 4* /centerfold

footnotes
1 Mr. Altes plays Brad Pitt's stand in; there are, according to the author, women in this country for whom this fact is an aphrodisiac.
2 Mr. Altes is the one who shot Charlie Sheen.
3 Mr. Altes is the one who saved Martin Sheen from being shot.
4 Mr. Altes notes that this has paid more bills than humor writing ever will.

There are also special interest tables of contents for gourmands, politicos, Googlers, and belle lettrists, as well as a very lovely recipe for nutcase brittle, which is, as food writers like to say, addictive.
5 Buy it, read it, love it
With essays from nearly 70 of our country's greatest humorists, including this humble reviewer, May Contain Nuts is, quite simply, the funniest book I have written for all year. I say this confidently, not only knowing that it is the only book I have written for, but because I have also actually read it. And within its soft yet satisfying covers I found funny stuff from all your well-known, thoroughbred, New Yorker-published humor writers, like P.J. O'Rourke, Andrew Barlow and Patty Marx, and also those mangy yet endearing unknown writers like yours truly. It's like one of those big bags of Jelly Bellies, packed with exotic, mouth-watering flavors, along with some very interesting flavors you'd like to try again and then decide if you like them, and then some where you wonder, whoa, what was THAT? This is book you will love, even if you didn't write anything in it.

Tuesday, 07-Oct-2008 12:11:21 CDT
Quote of the Day:


	Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do,

and how to be, I learned in kindergarten.  Wisdom was not at the top of the

graduate school mountain but there in the sandbox at nursery school.

	These are the things I learned:  Share everything.  Play fair.  Don't

hit people.  Put things back where you found them.  Clean up your own mess.

Don't take things that aren't yours.   Say you're sorry when you hurt someone.

Wash your hands before you eat.  Flush.  Warm cookies and cold milk are good

for you.  Live a balanced life.  Learn some and think some and draw and paint

and sing and dance and play and work some every day.

	Take a nap every afternoon.  When you go out into the world, watch for

traffic, hold hands, and stick together.  Be aware of wonder.  Remember the

little seed in the plastic cup.   The roots go down and the plant goes up and

nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.  Goldfish and

hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup -- they all

die.  So do we.

	And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you

learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK.  Everything you need to know is in

there somewhere.  The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation.  Ecology and

politics and sane living.

	Think of what a better world it would be if we all -- the whole world

-- had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with

our blankets for a nap.  Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other

nations to always put things back where we found them and cleaned up our own

messes.  And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into

the world it is best to hold hands and stick together.

		-- Robert Fulghum, "All I ever really needed to know I learned

		   in kindergarten"






You are never given a wish without also being given the

power to make it true.  You may have to work for it, however.

		-- R. Bach, "Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for

		   the Advanced Soul"