The National Lampoon Treasury of Humor


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1 From the people who brought you...Hate!
If you grew up in the '70s, you are a bad person. It's not your fault. Spending all those nights at the disco watching Gerry Ford and Karen Carpenter dance the night away with the cast of "Hello, Larry", that's going to leave a mark. But nothing cut quite so deep as the National Lampoon. This bound edition of material from the first several years(along with some previously unpublished articles) sums up the attack dog humor that would later be memorialized in SNL, Animal House, Caddyshack, and Jane Austin's Mafia. Well, maybe the first three.

In short, if you are a bitter, angry social malcontent who wishes to see hatred gleefully and comically spray-painted over everything you call holy, buy this book. Or they'll shoot your dog.



Saturday, 05-Jul-2008 17:08:03 CDT
Quote of the Day:


1 Billion dollars of budget deficit		= 1 Gramm-Rudman

6.023 x 10 to the 23rd power alligator pears = Avocado's number
2 pints = 1 Cavort
Basic unit of Laryngitis = The Hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
6 Curses = 1 Hexahex
3500 Calories = 1 Food Pound
1 Mole = 007 Secret Agents
1 Mole = 25 Cagey Bees
1 Dog Pound = 16 oz. of Alpo
1000 beers served at a Twins game = 1 Killibrew
2.4 statute miles of surgical tubing at Yale U. = 1 I.V.League
2000 pounds of chinese soup = 1 Won Ton
10 to the minus 6th power mouthwashes = 1 Microscope
Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier = 1 Machturtle
8 Catfish = 1 Octo-puss
365 Days of drinking Lo-Cal beer. = 1 Lite-year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
Force needed to accelerate 2.2lbs of cookies = 1 Fig-newton
to 1 meter per second
One half large intestine = 1 Semicolon
10 to the minus 6th power Movie = 1 Microfilm
1000 pains = 1 Megahertz
1 Word = 1 Millipicture
1 Sagan = Billions & Billions
1 Angstrom: measure of computer anxiety = 1000 nail-bytes
10 to the 12th power microphones = 1 Megaphone
10 to the 6th power Bicycles = 2 megacycles
The amount of beauty required launch 1 ship = 1 Millihelen

The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.
-- Aldo Leopold, quoted in Donald Wurster's "Nature's Economy"